Coffee cup with a note beside it with written on it stop people pleasing


Are you constantly putting others’ needs before your own, even at the expense of your own well-being? Do you find it difficult to say no, even when you really want to? If so, you may struggle with people-pleasing behavior. Know that it is not the end—it’s possible to stop people-pleasing behavior!

People-pleasing is a common but harmful behavior that can have a negative impact on your mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life. It’s easy to fall into the trap of constantly seeking approval and validation from others, but it’s difficult to break the cycle. You need to know the signs of a people pleaser so that you can break free from it.

In this blog, we’ll explore the causes of people-pleasing behavior and provide practical strategies for overcoming it. By learning to set boundaries, prioritize your own needs, and build healthier relationships, you can break free from the negative effects of people-pleasing and live a more authentic, fulfilling life.

Why am I such a people pleaser?

If you constantly seek the approval of others and going out of your way to meet their needs, you may wonder why you engage in people-pleasing behavior.

People-pleasing behavior can develop for a variety of reasons, but it often stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection or a desire for acceptance and validation. For example, you may have learned as a child that your worth was tied to how much you could please others, or you may have developed a belief that saying no is selfish or rude.

Other common causes of people-pleasing behavior include low self-esteem, a need for control, and a lack of assertiveness skills. Whatever the underlying cause may be, it’s important to recognize and address it in order to break the cycle of people-pleasing and live a more fulfilling life.

In the next section, we’ll explore the difference between being nice and being a people-pleaser, and the negative impact that excessive people-pleasing can have on your relationships.

Are nice people people-pleasers?

It’s important to distinguish between being a genuinely kind and empathetic person and engaging in people-pleasing behavior. While these two traits may overlap to some extent, there are some key differences.

Nice people genuinely care about others and want to help them, but they also prioritize their own needs and boundaries. They are able to say no when necessary and understand that it’s not their responsibility to make everyone happy.

On the other hand, people-pleasers often put others’ needs above their own, even to the point of sacrificing their own well-being. They may struggle with setting boundaries, saying no, or expressing their own opinions and feelings.

It’s important to note that being a people-pleaser is not necessarily a positive trait. While it may seem like a good thing to always put others first, it can have negative consequences for your mental health and relationships.

Excessive people-pleasing can lead to feelings of resentment, burnout, and even depression or anxiety. It can also prevent you from building authentic, fulfilling relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.

In the next section, we’ll explore practical strategies for breaking the cycle of people-pleasing and learning to prioritize your own needs and boundaries.

Recognizing and Overcoming People-Pleasing Behavior

If you’re ready to break free from the cycle of people-pleasing, it’s important to recognize the signs of a people-pleaser and understand the impact on your mental health.

Here are some strategies for recognizing and overcoming people-pleasing behavior:

  • Recognize the signs: People-pleasing behavior can manifest in various ways, such as saying yes to everything, avoiding conflict, or prioritizing other people’s needs over your own. By recognizing these signs of being a people pleaser, you can become more aware of your behavior and work to change it.
  • Understand the impact: People-pleasing can take a toll on your mental health, leading to anxiety, stress, and low self-esteem. By understanding the impact of people-pleasing on your well-being, you can find motivation to break the cycle.
  • Embrace assertiveness: Assertiveness is key to breaking the people-pleasing cycle. Learn to express your needs and opinions in a respectful, confident manner. Use “I” statements, active listening, and negotiating to communicate effectively and assertively.
  • Build healthy relationships: Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. Practice setting boundaries and prioritizing your own needs to build strong, authentic relationships without people-pleasing.
  • Identify negative self-talk: Negative self-talk can fuel people-pleasing behavior. Learn to identify and challenge negative thoughts, and replace them with positive affirmations and self-compassion.
  • Practice self-care: Prioritize self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. This can include exercise, meditation, creative hobbies, or spending time with loved ones. Start now with free self-care journal printables.
  • Validate yourself: Seek validation from within, rather than relying on external sources such as other people’s approval. Practice self-validation by acknowledging your strengths and accomplishments.
  • Use mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you break the habit of people-pleasing by increasing your awareness of the present moment and helping you tune in to your own needs and feelings. Practice mindfulness through meditation, deep breathing, or other mindfulness exercises.

By recognizing and overcoming people-pleasing behavior, you can prioritize your own needs and well-being, build authentic relationships, and live a more fulfilling life.

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: Strategies for Success

How do you break free from people-pleasing? Breaking the cycle of people-pleasing can be challenging, but with the right strategies and mindset, it’s possible.

Here are some tips and strategies for success and to totally break free from the habit:

1-The Importance of Self-Awareness and Identifying People-Pleasing Behavior

Self-awareness is essential for breaking the cycle of people-pleasing. Take some time to reflect on your behavior, thoughts, and feelings. Identify patterns and triggers that lead to people-pleasing behavior. This awareness will help you recognize when you are engaging in people-pleasing behavior and will allow you to make the necessary changes.

2-Setting Boundaries and Learning to Say No

Setting boundaries is crucial to stop people-pleasing. It is necessary to learn to say no respectfully when you need to prioritize your own needs and well-being. Setting boundaries means you can be clear about your expectations and limits, making it easier to avoid falling back into old habits.

3-Developing Self-Compassion and Self-Esteem

People-pleasers often struggle with self-esteem and self-compassion. Start practicing self-compassion by being kind and understanding towards yourself. Recognize that it is okay to have needs and that prioritizing them does not make you selfish. Developing self-esteem and self-compassion can help you build healthy boundaries and reinforce positive behavior.

4-Seeking Professional Help if Needed

Breaking the cycle of people-pleasing can be difficult and sometimes requires professional help. There is no shame in seeking help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide tools and techniques to help you develop assertiveness, self-compassion, and other necessary skills to overcome people-pleasing behavior. A professional Life Coach can also guide you on your journey to overcome people pleasing.

By following these strategies, lasting change is possible. Breaking the cycle of people-pleasing is not a simple task. It requires self-awareness, determination, and practice. Setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion and self-esteem, and seeking professional help if needed can help you break free from the cycle of people-pleasing and live a more fulfilling life.

The 4 Benefits of Overcoming People-Pleasing Behavior

When you stop people-pleasing, you can initially expect some resistance from others. After all, they are used to you pleasing them. They may not expect your new attitude and could even make comments. But don’t let this scare you! Go on—it will benefit you not to give up.

Overcoming people-pleasing behavior can bring many benefits to your life. Here are some ways you can benefit from breaking the cycle of people-pleasing:

Improved Self-Esteem and Self-Worth

When you break the cycle of people-pleasing, you prioritize your own needs, which can improve your self-esteem and self-worth. You realize that your thoughts and feelings are just as important as anyone else’s, and you value yourself more.

Developing Stronger and Healthier Relationships

People-pleasing can harm relationships because it often leads to suppressing your own needs and desires. By breaking the cycle of people-pleasing, you can develop stronger and healthier relationships because you are communicating your needs and respecting your boundaries. This can lead to more authentic connections and deeper intimacy.

Reducing Stress and Anxiety

People-pleasing often involves anxiety about whether or not others approve of you. By breaking the cycle of people-pleasing, you can reduce stress and anxiety because you are no longer seeking external validation. You learn to trust yourself and prioritize your own needs, which can lead to greater peace of mind.

Feeling More Authentic and True to Yourself

Breaking the cycle of people-pleasing allows you to be more authentic and true to yourself. You live life on your terms, not someone else’s, and this can bring a sense of fulfillment and happiness. You learn to value your own thoughts, feelings, and desires and act on them accordingly.

Overall, breaking the cycle of people-pleasing can lead to a more fulfilling and authentic life. You can develop stronger relationships, reduce stress and anxiety, and improve your self-esteem and self-worth. It takes time and practice, but the benefits are worth the effort.

Take-Away: stop people pleasing

People-pleasing behavior can have negative effects on your mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. It can lead to feelings of anxiety, resentment, and a lack of self-worth. However, there are ways to break the cycle of people-pleasing and develop healthier habits.

To recap, some of the negative effects of people-pleasing behavior include:

  • Losing sight of your own needs and desires
  • Feeling overwhelmed and stressed
  • Developing resentment towards others
  • Lowering self-esteem and self-worth
  • Struggling with authenticity and personal growth

If you recognize any of these patterns in your behavior, it’s important to take steps toward breaking the people-pleasing cycle. Some strategies include developing self-awareness, setting boundaries and learning to say no, developing self-compassion and self-esteem, and seeking professional help if needed.

Remember, breaking the cycle of people-pleasing is a process that takes time and practice. But by prioritizing your own needs and values, you can develop stronger and healthier relationships, reduce stress and anxiety, and feel more authentic and true to yourself.

Christel Owoo is a professional Life Coach with ACC-credentials from ICF.

She is passionate about helping women gain confidence.

Do you want to gain confidence in life and live fully in your God-given potential?

Reach out to Christel…

Christel Owoo Christian Confidence Coach
Christel Owoo, Christian Confidence Coach