Are you tired of constantly trying to please everyone around you? It’s time to break free from the people-pleaser trap and embrace your authentic self as a Christian woman!

As women of faith, it can be particularly challenging to navigate the delicate balance of pleasing others while staying true to our own values. We believe we must care for everyone and place other people before us—neglecting our own desires, wishes, and feelings. In our humbleness and desire to serve, we can end up becoming people-pleaser Christians.

Being a people-pleaser Christian is exhausting and tarnishes our self-esteem. What if we refocus and regain our confidence, learn how to set healthy boundaries, and align our actions with what truly matters: pleasing God, not man? Our lives will transform. We will break free from the limits of people pleasing.

As women, and as Christians, we may need to put a bit more effort in to stop being a people-pleaser. We may perceive pleasing others as humble and serving them. We may also think that as women, it is our biblical role to serve our families. If we want to learn how to stop being a people-pleaser Christian, we need to deal with our mindset and refocus on God and His Word.

What does the Bible say about people pleasers?

To conquer the need to please everyone, it’s important to check what the Bible says. What does God say about people pleasers? And what does the bible say about pleasing everyone? Is it okay to people-please, or not?

Bible verses about people pleasing    

The Bible does not explicitly mention the term people-pleasers, but it provides guidance and teachings that relate to the concept. Here are a few scriptures that highlight important principles:

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

Colossians 3:23-24 (NIV)

This passage encourages believers to focus on doing their best in all they do, with the understanding that their ultimate purpose is to serve God.

“Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.”

Proverbs 29:25 (NIV)

This verse warns against the trap of being excessively concerned with pleasing others instead of placing trust in God.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Romans 12:2 (NIV)

Resist the temptation to conform to societal pressures; follow God’s will instead.

The Bible doesn’t specifically refer to people-pleasers, but it emphasizes living to please God instead of looking for approval from everybody. The focus is on faithfulness to God, doing good works, and aligning one’s life with His will. An empowering way to boost your confidence is to read Bible verses about confidence. This will give you an extra push to stop pleasing people, as you will have your confidence in god.

Bible verses about pleasing God, not man

Here are a few Bible verses that highlight the importance of seeking to please God rather than focusing solely on pleasing people.

“Peter and the other apostles replied: ‘We must obey God rather than human beings!’”

Acts 5:29 (NIV)

This verse highlights the importance of obeying God’s commands rather than people’s expectations.

“Because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.”

Romans 14:18 (NIV)

This verse highlights that when we serve Christ and follow His ways, we ultimately find favor with God, even if human approval may not always be guaranteed.

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Galatians 1:10 (NIV)

This verse underlines it is essential to please God rather than to make others happy.

These verses remind us that our primary focus should be on living in obedience to God’s commands and seeking His approval, rather than being driven by the desire to please people.

What did Paul say about pleasing people?

Paul talked about wanting to please people a few times, mostly warning against being too eager to get other people to like you.

Paul speaks about people pleasing in the following passages.

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Galatians 1:10 (NIV)

Paul points out in this verse that it is Christ he is trying to serve, not people. He highlights that seeking to please people can conflict with being a faithful servant of Christ.

“On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.”

1 Thessalonians 2:4 (NIV)

Paul here wants us to understand that those who proclaim the Gospel should strive to please God and not man.

“Have I now become your enemy by telling you the truth?”

Galatians 4:16 (NIV)

In this verse, Paul asks the Galatians a question that implies that his faithfulness in delivering the truth might have made him seem like an enemy to them. He suggests that speaking the truth may not always please people, but it remains essential.

“I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.”

1 Corinthians 10:33 (NIV)

Paul expresses his motivation to pursue the good of others, particularly regarding their salvation. While he is not primarily concerned with pleasing people, he aims to bring them to the knowledge of Christ.

These passages highlight Paul’s perspective on people-pleasing. Showing that he prioritized pleasing God and delivering the truth over seeking the approval and acceptance of people.

Does the Bible say to be nice to everyone?

We may confuse being a people-pleaser with being nice. Being nice to people is good, but not if it comes at our expense. In most cases, the root of people-pleasing is low self-confidence.

We think we are inferior to others, and thus place them first and always try to be nice to everyone. After all, we think, the Bible asks us to be kind to everyone and not place ourselves above others.

We may describe our behavior as being humble and thinking higher of others. Humility is an excellent character trait, but humility does not equate with inferiority. Humility and inferiority are two different things and we shouldn’t mix them up. We need to be mindful of this when studying the Bible, or we might not understand it correctly.

For example, one of the biblical directives is that God expects us to regard others as higher than ourselves (Philippians 2:3). However, this does not imply that we are lower, lesser, or inferior. No. This instruction is about not acting out of pride, selfish ambition, or conceit. It means that God wants us to act in humility of mind. This is not about seeing ourselves as inferior and pushing ourselves down, but about being humble.

So then, what does the Bible say about being nice to everyone? Should we… or not?

Bible verses about being nice

Jesus is humble and gentle (Matthew 11:29); He treats people nicely. And He expects us to be like Him. But Jesus also ‘knows what he is up to’ and confronts people when they are wrong. And He takes time for Himself (He regularly separated Himself from His disciples, to spend time in prayer, for example). Jesus was nice to others, but he was definitely not a people-pleaser.

The Bible indeed is full of verses that tell us to be nice (nice like Jesus).

“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

Ephesians 4:32 (NLT)

“For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.”

Galatians 5:13 (NLT)

“Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.”

Galatians 6:10 (NLT)

“Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.”

1 Peter 3:8 (NIV)

“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”

Colossians 3:12 (NLT)

Indeed, as Christians, we are to be nice to others, treat them well, and serve them with humility. God Himself is kind to us and has poured out His love into our hearts. It is out of this love (His love) that we can be nice to others.

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT)

“We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love.”

2 Corinthians 6:6 (NLT)

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT)

2 Corinthians 6:6 (NLT)

But we shouldn’t use this love and kindness to dupe ourselves and engage in people-pleasing actions. Jesus was nice, yes. But He wasn’t kind to everyone. In the same way, we can ask for wisdom to discern to whom to extend kindness and then engage with them frequently.

Even when we are kind to others, it shouldn’t come at our expense. People-pleasing can be dangerous for own health, mentally, spiritually, and physically. Being nice to others should also not be done to receive praise in return. None of it is good for us.

How do I stop being a people pleaser as a Christian?

Pleasing people is a tiring habit. It leaves us feeling empty and insecure, always trying to do more and better for others. Often, this exhaustion is the first thing that lets us ponder about how to overcome being a people pleaser. Simply because we want to feel better and want to have more time for ourselves and invest in ourselves.

 As Christians, this shouldn’t actually be our first point of focus. Pleasing man, not God, is a sin. With people-pleasing, we make people the focus of our worship instead of God. God wants us to live pleasing to Him. And yes, it pleases Him when we are kind—but not if that goes against ourselves. He loves us very much—He would not want us to get hurt.

Therefore, we have two reasons to stop trying to please everyone. But how to stop being a people-pleaser Christian? Is it possible to break free from the trap? With God’s help and effort, it is possible to overcome the people-pleaser trap.

Overcoming the tendency to be a people pleaser is a transformative process. Here are fourteen steps that can help you navigate and overcome the people-pleasing trap as a Christian:

  1. Recognize you always try to please others and that it hurts you. You can’t change what you don’t see.
  2. Confess to God that you have sinned. Confession is an important step to overcoming people-pleasing habits. You confide in God and admit you did wrong, then God will take over.
  3. Repent from the behavior. Recognition and confession are the two foundational steps, but without repentance they would become meaningless. Make an inner decision to stop pleasing people.
  4. Pray for deliverance and strength to overcome. Prayer works. Plus, by praying you surrender yourself and your situation to God, making way for Him to act on your behalf.
  5. Study God’s Word to discern God’s will and priorities. Learn what is written in the Bible about pleasing others and how to live pleasing to God.
  6. Let His truth guide your decisions and actions, rather than being swayed by the opinions or expectations of others.
  7. Embrace your identity in Christ. Knowing who you are in Christ, is the biggest push to stop people pleasing. Acting based on this identity will enable you to stop pleasing others.
  8. Act on your new insights and change your attitude toward others. Don’t leave it by decisions and knowledge. Act on what you have learned.
  9. Find your worth in Christ: Remind yourself daily of who you are in Christ. Positive affirmations are a great tool to remind yourself.
  10. Prioritize God in everything you do, even when serving others.
  11. Schedule time for yourself. Self-care is an important part of learning to stop to please others all the time. You can start on this journey with self-care journal printables.
  12. Practice self-reflection—regularly examine your motives and intentions.
  13. Set healthy boundaries. Say “no” when you should say “no”. And let others know your boundaries.
  14. Tell the people around you that you have changed. Communication is key.

Recognize that your worth and value come from being a child of God. You don’t need to earn the approval of others because God already loved and accepted you. It is okay to learn how to love your self and be more confident.

Overcoming people-pleasing tendencies is a process, not a one-day job. It requires patience, self-reflection, and dependence on God’s grace. Through prayer, self-awareness, and a growing relationship with God, you can find freedom from the people-pleasing trap and live a life that honors and pleases Him. You can become the confident Christian woman God wants you to be.

Prayer not to be a people pleaser

Father, I now understand that I lived to please others, not you. I tried to get their attention and affection by always serving them and being kind, even if it was hurting me. I am sorry. I served man, not You.

Lord, I repent of my actions and commit to stop being a people-pleaser Christian. All I want to do is serve You and please You. Help me discern how to live and when to think of myself instead of others. Give me the grace and strength to say “no” and to set boundaries. I can’t do that by myself. I need You.

Thank You, for granting me the strength. In Jesus’ Name. Amen